hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Pants are for mortals
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
