I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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