I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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