if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
