So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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