We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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