Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I didn't notice because vodka
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
