i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
we're so committed to being not committed
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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