I hate all girls vehemently.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
