shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
