I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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