I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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