I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
