My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
