the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
