Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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