As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
