He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if only i could text you this smell
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
