I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
