I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
