Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
