Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
