porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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