I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize