normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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