so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
