I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
