Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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