What did we do last night that was yellow?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
