life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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