there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dude. I can hear the air.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
