hotel room ftw
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
