I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
