Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
