I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
