remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
