Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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