So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
