Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
