yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
