and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
