no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
