She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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