Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
