I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize