I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
