my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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