a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
