Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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