I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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