Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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