You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
