good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
