Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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