It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
