I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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