It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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