Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
