Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
