You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
