The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
