Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
