i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
