Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
