I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
