You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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