Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
