so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So much Jack, so little girl.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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