The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Farmville is her only friend.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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