I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
