Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
