I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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