Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
