Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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