dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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