mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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